There were about 10 of us who had a little song and dance number in The Velveteen Rabbit. We thought it was ridiculous that we should have to be at every rehearsal when we already knew our number and we were hardly on stage at all, so I volunteered to approach Mr. Marvey about us wee bunnies having Friday night's rehearsal off. He was not receptive to my suggestion. "Maybe the rest of them might be able to take the night off, but YOU have a long way to go before you are at their level." Yup. That's what he said to me. It may not be an exact quote, (and Mr. Marvey isn't his exact name) but that is the gist of it. And that is one of my great fears...that I have somehow convinced myself I am phenomenal at something when all the while the powers that be are convulsing internally at my inadequacy.
I have waited too long to write. There is so much to talk about.
The Adult Rehearsal:
We had a rehearsal last week where only three of the adults were called (and one child, but she disappeared suddenly...I'm not sure where she vanished to). We were to start really thinking about and discussing the relationships between us. And that scared me a little. As the director was talking, I found myself daydreaming about what I would blog that night when I got home. My tentative title for the post was "Acting is Hard." I was secretly hoping that she would just tell us what our relationships were...but she likes to let us think and create and develop on our own. It's like she gave us birth and is willing to let us grow up into whatever we will become. If we get out of control, I have no doubt she will reign us in, but I have to say it is pretty impressive that she is willing to give us such freedom with the characters she created. I also have to say that it is really an interesting experience to find oneself in a 17 year or so marriage to someone they have never known before. It's ACTING! But it's hard. And it's wonderful. The relationships are starting to develop and become more and more natural as we all spend time together and get more comfortable with each other.
The Stumble Through:
Last Thursday we had our first rehearsal since the Read Through where the entire cast was there. We were going to stumble through the entire play for the first time. When we were getting into our places on stage, my first day of school butterflies started misbehaving. I was very nervous and felt suddenly very unprepared. It didn't help when Husband walked on stage for his first line with NO SCRIPT. Neighbor and I made our incompetent selves feel better during the break by harassing Husband mercilessly for losing his script. He had it with him for the last scene. I think he was just trying to make us feel better. Why do we do that? Why do we try to make people feel guilty for being successful and responsible? It isn't very nice. I think seeing that Husband had already managed to memorize his part was actually incredibly motivating, because at the next rehearsal, Neighbor and I were both (pretty much) off our scripts, too.
November 18, 2008
I Was an Eighth Grade Chorus Bunny
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5 comments:
Hey neighbor. :)
Granted, my acting experience is very limited.. but I've found in that short time, that we are often much more prepared than we'll let ourselves believe.
Having the luxury of hanging on to the crutch that our scripts become, is much like that favorite stuffed animal or blanket that so many children cling to until it's finally wrenched away from them by their parents. Much like that token security item from days of yore, we keep our script in hand not necessarily because we don't know our lines, but because we feel more comfortable being able to look at it -- or even just hold it.
It's almost like a shield, protecting us from some invisible judgmental something that is watching us attempt to perform. Imagined of course, because everyone present for rehearsals is on our team, trying to make the show the best it can be... Crazy mind tricks, that's all it is. (Or maybe that's just how it is for me..)
It's a luxury I've never really had before, because the small amount of acting I've done has been for film, and we never really rehearsed at all for that. I would glance at my script and get a gist of my lines before a take and then muddle through the scene.
I agree though, it is motivating to see others completely off book, when you're still feeling insecure about your own part.
I myself was pleasantly surprised when our awesome writer/director complimented my performance at our most recent rehearsal, saying that I had a natural something or other.. presence I suppose.. Humbled, shocked, and pleased to hear it, yet no matter how many times I hear something like that, I'm certain I will continue to feel every bit the hack, especially when standing next to the rest of the cast.
Ultimately, that's a good thing I suppose. It will make me want to try that much harder to do better, and keep me from getting that big headed syndrome that could otherwise easily take hold. If I ever get that I'll stop acting, at least for a while, because that's not the kind of personality trait that is helpful to any production.
I am finding myself a little conflicted about the entire theater experience though..
I love the immediacy of it. Unlike film, where it could take all day to get a minute or two worth of finished product, everything flows in real time.. it's great for that instant gratification that we all crave to a certain degree or other.
On the other hand, it's such a temporary thing. Each performance will be slightly different, each moment existing only as long as it takes to happen, gone forever -- unless reproduced artificially in a future performance and therefore untrue. But I suppose that's the charm too, the magic that happens, only in theater.
Whatever you've been doing thus far, it works. Even when you've been nervous, you look so natural on stage. You are Aleena, mother of 7, as far as I'm concerned.. at least until mid-December...
I have to say, it's a lot of fun seeing what others are thinking about the rehearsal process! Interesting too to see how you are perceived by others. :-) I think you are both doing GREAT. You both do seem very natural onstage in your characters. I have moments where I still feel that I do not fully understand my character, how he moves, etc. I hope I am not intimidating because of tossing my script aside! I do not feel I know my character until I understand how he moves and holds himself physically, and the script for me is always a barrier to that. We all work in different ways and I enjoy seeing and hearing about the processes of others. And re the immediacy and transitory nature of theater: That it for me what I've always loved about it. It is sad, always, when the show is over and passes away, but there is nothing quite like the feeling of being there before a live audience! Anyway, it is great working with you both, and I'll see you tonight!
Awww..your story about 8th grade & Mr. Marvey made me cringe. It's amazing how certain things that are said to us stick with us FOREVER. Why can't they be the positive things?!
Can't wait to see you & your seven children!
totally...we were drawing "a fun place to be" in kindergarten and i was drawing a circus, but instead of starting with the brightly-colored front and center, i started with the seats and shadows around the edges, as i formed the whole scene in my head and decided what colors to use...and this kid named justin looked at my page and yelled, "that's no place to be!" i've been afraid to put what i think on paper for 25+ years because of things like that. and yes, it's the people who just get out there and do it that really motivate the rest of us! thank you for just getting out there and doing it - acting, blogging, everything else you do.
wish we could be there in december. will have to watch for a bootleg copy to pop up on youtube or something!
and that little girl who just disappeared that day during rehearsal...do you think the witch got her?!
wow. it's working. so many things we talked about, imagined..it's happening. you are facilitating discussion with other actors, other thoughts, other people who truly care and know you have a gift.
it makes me so glad and a little envious. but mostly glad :)
Go get 'em, Ma!
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